☆ 5 star bitch ☆

Hello

I call myself and my peers PQwerskullz, it for me is a creative twist on the words "Power Skullz". Which means our brain, head, motherboard is powerfull.



I'll even go on the limb and call myself the thought daughter, due to how much I constanly think. You can't power it off, it flows freely. I decided to call it power skullz. Really it's a diagnosed ahdh brain, but a close friend told me to romanticize my life. I'd like to think that's exactly what im doing. Typical 21yr old whos frontal lobe is trying to develop. I got fairly overstimulated by social media, after trying to be too digestable for my peers. Who don't necessarily care for me outside of the app. Paired with my belife that social media mutes your inner personality, silences your personal touch. Infeel such an uncomfortable hate for socials now, except for Twitter(FuckElon). I often deactivate for weeks but I'm over that, deleted the app and when on about my day.

Although I do need an outlet for my creativity.



My Top 8 NOT 8



What i Wrote Recently (on SubStack)



I hate that women have to be palatable for men

Nothing about us really matters when we can’t be loved or adorned by another



It feels at least



The other day I was battling with a portion on the Drake album, “How you a wife? Where yo pieces at?” *New York undertone* nevertheless valid statement. A deep comparison on how a wife is seen as the all powerful being, highest form of a Women. Adversely a single Women now can live even better, freely not held back by any person. I had to peel that back another level though, why do we actively shame women for wanting marriage or wanting love. That is the sun to our society, at least for women. To be accepted at the peak of their lives, marriage, relationship, home, family. Society has made this such a big picture.



A way to shackle a woman up without much opposition. A trend: a beautiful life, a safe sound home, stability for your “family”, that you are holding together all alone. Further pushed through the times as a way to make military comrades come home to a family. A way to hand a man off to another care taker. A way to force a boy to be a man. Force mouths to feed in unity. (Capitalism has to keep going😘)



A family man, the American dream.



I try to play with the image in your head a lil, just to see what you imagine when you think of these buzz words. You don’t imagine family without a woman, right? It’s becoming less and less attractive to the women themselves. You know- the person doing the hands on invisible labor.



I’d like to argue, now that the smoke has cleared. No one is signing up for the wife role that clearly holds the American household together. Big beautiful bill screaming about keeping families together, changing tax exceptions to force families by 25, carrying on about the birthrate dropping every year.



I’d like to even double down that the way they pushed this propaganda. Women didn’t know what it was they were in for. Now we are clearly informed, especially with one on one interactions with men. Tik tok has exposed us to the reality of most female interactions.



Pregnancy: the real version.

Marriage: the real version.

Being a single mom: the real verson. Being manipulated by media: the real version.



All things we rather not be apart of willingly, but subconsciously still controlled by propaganda we’ve seen our whole lives.

Ideally it’s better to just be single, but why does that even feel weird. One side is, yeah I don’t mind being single it’s brings me much peace. Another side is, you don’t get male attention?? Are you not acceptable and digestible-



When men are unable to communicate or understand their partner it’s seen as a shared responsibility. When women aren’t heard or understood it’s a keep pushing, don’t bitch out- effect. How to be better acceptable to your partner. How to cope better with reality, not just change the reality. It’s an invisible parallel, maybe we influenced?



Prior women were the prize, we were the glue the peanut butter and jelly. Although it was a lot of law manipulation, propaganda, and violent stereotypes. Women were highly valued, which is why they often have to forcefully trap us. We currently aren’t as valued because we won’t blindly follow anything we’re given. We are also thirsty for respect we don’t get.



Imagine prime tik tok, 2020 covid. Thirst traps going crazy; People are normalizing long distant relationships. Wanting to escape their area of spousal interest (a California 10 wanting a Florida 8) advancing to Mr. Worldwide. This thirst for a broader variety, gave us unrealistic standards. In reach of things we wouldn’t normally get. Tik tok beauty became admirable, while also fake. You aren’t going to look like a 10/10 on a worldy scale.



And when you don’t look like that, you’re not worth it. To the male standpoint, if you don’t look better than his following, are you worth the interest? If you aren’t easy, are you enough?



A great question though: who is?



We chase this social media image of attractiveness. We want to be fathomable to partners, love interest, significant others. I do it for the bad bitches but I also do it hoping someone will see me. Same as any social media, we hope we are digestible to someone we would want to pick us in a crowd. That energy of being understood by another.



The same love Disney movies forced us to hope for. An unrealistic standard, very far from the truth.



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This my first article, as a political science major who is fresh from a breakup aaannnd all socials <3





Never is it that you aren’t pretty.

I have this debate in my head several times a day, “but I’m bad shit tho??” So what else is wrong with me…



First few stages of rejection can look different for everyone, but for me it goes



Deflection.

At first, I refuse to let it touch me. I’m bad shit though?? I become obsessed with reaffirming myself, reminding myself that I am desirable, attractive, worthy. I armor myself with confidence before I can feel the sting. Posting to feel pretty as they ignore it for example



Self-Deprecation.

Confidence only lasts so long when the attention isn’t returned. Then comes the questions. Okay… so what did I do? Was I too weird? Did i overshare? Suddenly rejection stops being about them and starts becoming an audit of myself.



Distortion.

When I can’t find an answer, I create one. You can be as pretty as a picture but that isn’t enough for a man who wants you to hate yourself for his own personal gain …. Right???



Comparison.

Then self-consciousness arrives. I look at him. I look at me. I measure every inch of myself against whatever version of woman I think he’d rather have. My beauty starting to feels conditional.



Performance.

And this is where it gets dangerous. I start wanting to earn attention that should’ve been freely given. Which lights me on fire, that I am motivated by attention. Attention that I clearly am not getting.



Submission to Manipulation.

For someone who benefits more from your insecurity than your confidence. It’s an easy bullet to dodge, yet I need to earn that love… A manipulation game that I just rolled 4 in.



....

Never is it that you aren’t pretty, but you are possibly being baited into the longest game of your life. It feels like you must eat the breadcrumbs he’s leaving you. But understand he has the whole loaf…



I say this but soon I’ll believe it too



It’s okay… he’s talking to the girl he actually likes...

Whenever I wonder about the someone I shouldn’t



My adhd mind somehow obsesses over being liked. Since a small child introduced to bullying, byway of being annoying asf. Being an only child though, I’ve always wanted the most friends. To socialize with constantly, because normally i talk to myself. Having a lot of friends may be the cover, but I truly love socialization.



Communication, if I feel like I’m being brick walled after two seconds of taking. It sucks because I’m sure you have more to offer, but perhaps only for the one you like. As a talker tho, you gotta force me to get it out. If I feel like you hate me, I’m gonna wanna work for it. But not in a slutsih way, you should belive I’m a cool person.



So in my mind, he’s not talking to you right now(fact). I’ll take it step further to assume, he’s probably talking to a girl he actually likes. My adhd mind works best when I assume the worst to stop my gullibility. He can’t like you anyway, letting your mind wonder, no brainer. In the same breath, when not you someone he MUCH rather.



These kinda boxes help my emotion from overcoming me. Why isn’t he texted me? What did I do, to make him breadcrumb me? Am I ugly?? Not his type?? These things I wouldn’t know anyway. What I do know is I can’t love me, trying to get the attention of someone who doesn’t even like me…



The saddest thing is I want to be liked by him. It’s actually a shot at my ego that he’s not inlove with me. He’s inlove with someone … just not you.



Which is a big enough pill to swallow for tonight





My 🥷🏾 sleep well cuz ain’t nobody fu*ked

Let’s really talk about it.



I have a weird belief in soul ties. I say weird because I don’t fully buy it, I feel it’s a tool used to gaslight women into feeling overconnected to a man. Long after a sexual experience or encounter, subconsciously causing a ruminating/lasting effect.



Although I still feel soul tied to my past partners, women are so connected to their energy, emotion, and intuition. From a male perspective, the soul tie theory has benefits; it leads men to feel dominant over a woman’s will. Men are quick to intercoure not only because of lust but also the mind control over a woman’s autonomy. They know by this point that having sex is guaranteed to make the women more invested. Based on the soul tie theory…



From a women perspective, I see it as a symptom of healing. We feel a lot, so it’s crazy not to think we won’t feel the clear distance or energetic change. From someone we recently had sex with: An important sequence of events that we don’t notice until it's too late. Most things women go through are severely downplayed to make it easier to finesse from a Male standpoint. Sex, pregnancy, birth, stereotypes, social experience, etc.





Except soul ties, which is why I think it’s heavily exaggerated. Ofc two ppl are gonna feel connected after having sex…



That’s just how serious sex is…





If you’ve ever watched HunterXHunter, Hisoka, a character on this combat course-styled anime, possesses arguably the most valuable Nen ability. Which is called “BungeeGum”. A pink gum-like substance that sticks to his opponent like gum, allowing him to control them like a puppet. It allows him to pull opponents off balance, reattach lost limbs/cards/weapons, change movement mid-air, and set traps for mid-fight. In the end, it never really goes away once attached. Which we learn later in the series, such as the concept of a Soul Tie.

















It feels unrealistic and hard to escape, such as bubblegum.



It already takes women several months to heal. Which is why I say, this may be a symptom of a woman’s healing profile. Rather than an inevitable feat that owns you, rather than you owning it. A toxic theory trapping you in time



The moment you even think of being soul-tied to anyone, every memory becomes evidence. Of just how sticky the situation is, every dream becomes a sign. Every urge to text becomes destiny. Every setback in healing becomes proof that we’re spiritually bound. Forces a spiritual agenda that leans toward the woman feeling guilty for a decision she once stood firm on.



Was this all a mistake? Maybe we are meant for each other? The gum gets stickier



Not because the tie is real, but because WE believe it is. That’s why I struggle with this Soul Tie concept. I don’t deny the feeling. In fact, I think the feeling is completely real.



The attachment is real, the grief is real, the longing is real. The sense that a piece of someone is still lingering in your life is real. But the question is: Whether that means ownership, fate, or whether it means a person has permanently altered your spiritual blueprint.



Maybe what we experience is simply the aftermath of intimacy. A symptom of healing. Maybe sex is deep enough on its own that we don’t need a supernatural explanation for why moving on is so difficult.



"My 🥷🏾 sleep well cuz ain’t NOBODY fu*ked"

-Latto

Im sure my ex sleeps well because, as the song says, nobody fucked. Realistically, we’re just two people carrying the residue of having known each other deeply. And maybe healing is realizing that the gum was never attached to your soul. A process as any, takes time to wear off.



It’s just as true as you make it, and the more you belive the more it alligans